A goal!

Alright, I realize that I have a lot on my plate right now. I am a full time student, A full time mother, and a full time employee, all while being pregnant. I have used this excuse too much in my life to not read the scriptures as much as a really want to. I know that I shouldnt even have to set this goal and that I should have been doing this for a long time already, but save the scoldings! I want to read at least a chapter every night. I remember when me and Marcos used to read every night (although he in Spanish and me in English, we made it work some how). I miss it. I know that it is exactly what I need right now as well! I think I might start from the middle of the Book of Mormon this time though. I can pretty much quote 1st Nephi Ch1 by heart from my many attempts at this goal! Maybe all the cool things I got for Marcos from the temple will make it more interesting too! :)

I have no idea.....

So, today I had one of my breakdowns. Well, not really a break down I dont know what you would call it. Basically I supress all my emotions about my mom passing away until I cant take it anymore and I lock myself in my room and just let it all out. I always feel so amazingly better afterwards. I think this one was braught on by me finding out that the expected due date for my new baby is my mom's birthday. It made me feel a mixed emotion of overwhelming sadness and hapiness at the same time. I feel like I need her now more than ever. Not so much to get me through it. I have been pregnant before and she was there to answer all of my gross questions and calm me when I was nervous. I need her now more because I feel so much hapiness about this baby and I want to share it with her. I want her to be there for the birth and to flash the flashlight on my stomach like last time trying to make Katia kick and move away as we all laughed while seeing my stomach look like I had an alien inside me. I want to share my joy with her. As I was crying however (which is hard for me to admit I hate showing and/or telling people about my emotions in general which is probably why they are supressed in the first place and I end up having these crying fits) I felt such comfort. Like she was here, watching over me, telling me that she was going to be there for everything. I love her so much, I miss her and I think about her everyday. Several times a day. I know that she is here with me though. Probably laughing at my stupidity. I am sure the she, my dad, and Marcos' mom all picked out the most special spirit in the world to be sent to us! Now I can't wait to find out if it's a boy or a girl. :)

The Start of A New Life

*sigh* I am beyond happy. Yesterday I found out I was pregnant with #2!!!! I remember freaking out when I found out I was pregnant with Katia. In fact I believe I broke down crying in the bathroom when the test came back positive. This time, however, is nothing but pure joy. I just know how much I love Katia and cant wait for this baby to come and join our family. I think this time around I will enjoy my pregnancy more as well. Just relax more and enjoy it. I may be speaking too soon as well but no morning sickness etc. yet! yay!!!!! I just cant believe there is a little thing inside me. Well more like a little alien or clump of cells at this point. I cant wait for the journey to begin. To hear the first heartbeat, to see the first ultrasound, feel the first butterflies that quickly turn to painful jabs, find out if we are expecting a new little boy or girl, and finally to meet my little baby. I cant wait!!!!!!!!